Starcraft story (help me out a lil)

[B)ushid(o]

like: The Matrix, I Know What You did Last Summer, and Lord of the Flies, set in the future. Keep on going!!!

 

[lazaznxxx]

ahh...bc dont blast off dudes, they lift off. and great story smash, but dont kinda kill all of the char, let them live, like 2 or 3, but make them die when they on the way to earth......like this:

zaren is badly injured when tryin to save fade from the goonling (hehehe). fade killed the goonling with his plasma rifle with one last bullet/energy (w/e). fade then carried zaren to the norad IV there he found infested kerrigan. she talked to fade ( u hafta fill in the conversation) and disapper after she warp in some zedra (zealot+hydra). fade had nomore bullet in his rifle and had to run. he ran away with an injured leg cuz of a atk from the zedra. he then escaped to the wraith factory. he found a wraith laser cannon. fade then attatched the cannon to the batery and blast the 3 zedra into misery..........fade came back where he left zaren to escape from the zedra... zaren is barely breathin... his last words was. "fade, complete the mission, dont let us die for nothing, report to president ar......."

that is all i could think of.....ill post new ones asap. hihi
GREAT STORY< KEEP IT UP

 

[james_in_time]

I know u said u werent going to sell it , but it is really tacky and defntly not starcraft materail. The book that came with starcraft is my most treasured book i own. Now that is a good book you could learn from it

 

[SmashBros.Pro]

Originally posted by james_in_time
I know u said u werent going to sell it , but it is really tacky and defntly not starcraft materail. The book that came with starcraft is my most treasured book i own. Now that is a good book you could learn from it

I knew someone would mention the book, but I want to avoid it because I don't wanna get any idea's from another book. All of the stuff I wrote was just off the top of my head and I didn't bother going back and making it perfect.

Originally posted by lazaznxxx
ahh...bc dont blast off dudes, they lift off. and great story smash, but dont kinda kill all of the char, let them live, like 2 or 3, but make them die when they on the way to earth......like this:

zaren is badly injured when tryin to save fade from the goonling (hehehe). fade killed the goonling with his plasma rifle with one last bullet/energy (w/e). fade then carried zaren to the norad IV there he found infested kerrigan. she talked to fade ( u hafta fill in the conversation) and disapper after she warp in some zedra (zealot+hydra). fade had nomore bullet in his rifle and had to run. he ran away with an injured leg cuz of a atk from the zedra. he then escaped to the wraith factory. he found a wraith laser cannon. fade then attatched the cannon to the batery and blast the 3 zedra into misery..........fade came back where he left zaren to escape from the zedra... zaren is barely breathin... his last words was. "fade, complete the mission, dont let us die for nothing, report to president ar......."

that is all i could think of.....ill post new ones asap. hihi
GREAT STORY< KEEP IT UP

I'm not really sure where the story is going right now, but I know its coming along better than what I thought it ever would. If you read most of my parts then you probally noticed how I like to make unexpected twists. I've been looking at most of the idea's you people post and try to throw them in (if they arn't horrible) and thats why we need feedback.

Originally posted by coRtALoS
To everyone that reads this thread,
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I hardly remember what was written at the beginning of this story. In fact, when I need to use a character's name, I'll usually have to go back to the first page to find it in SmashBros.Pro's intro. Usually I'll read the last 1 or 2 posts before writing more on this, and if I had planned on resuming on something I or SmashBros.Pro wrote awhile back, then I'll go back a page or two.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Reason for all this babble? You don't need to read everything that's happened to post your suggestions. If you have a pretty good idea of what's going on right now, then feel free to post positive and negative feedback. Just giving support makes us want to write more, and negative stuff makes us look at the story from a different point of view, and allows for change. Chaynge iz g00d.

I made up all the people and I still have to look back too Thats pretty much why I made the introduction.

 

[Renzokuken]

I'd just like to add. That Goonling sounds like something out of a circus. Dragling <-----Now that sounds very cool.

 

[james_in_time]

LOL, What the he11 Renzokuken?

 

[lazaznxxx]

lol, dragling sound ridiculous, goonling still rule

 

[lazaznxxx]

BTW, yall like my creation? zedra = hydra+zealot

 

[CerebralChain]

No... It looks too much like zebra...

 

[B)ushid(o]

lol
ultralisk+zealtt=zealisk or ultralot

 

[james_in_time]

ultralot!

 

[Sc MaRiNe]

Originally posted by SmashBros.Pro
I am planning on killing off all the charecters except 1, which is Fade....
Hes gonna try to make a get away in the last Waith and Zerg gonna follow him back to Earth errr... Earth II just incase you didn't read my last post.
The reason I'm reallly doing this is because alotta people expect to read a story through the Terran point of veiw and they expect the Terran to succeed in there mission, I plan on changing that.

BTW: I'm not tryin to tell you the whole story, but Kerrigan its your lucky day, just incase you havent noticed the one girl that happens to be going on the mission, Sarah, and you can pretty much happens when Zerg get ahold of her....
Then enters Infested Kerrigan

sounds a bit like a hollywood ending
good story, but

 

[SmashBros.Pro]

I have some very good news

I copied this story into Corel WordPerfect and reformatted it and made proper grammer and spelling and turned it into my english teacher (It was a report we had to do). She read the entire story and said, "This is very good writing and I'm going to enter it in the fair." She did enter it and even though it isn't finished we got 4th place out of 900+ entries I'm planning on continuing this now because if it can take 4th non-finished then God only knows what it would have done if it was complete.

 

[B)ushid(o]

good job 4th out of +900 not too shabby.

 

[coRtALoS]

Continuing on...

Pain rippled through her body as Sara's threshold of pain was tested. Khorlis had been experimenting with the young Terran female since her capture two days ago. Life was something she no longer cared for as it's continuation for her brought only more pain, day after day. She hated life, her parents that brought her into this world, and Zaren, and the rest of her species for it's arrogance, belligerence, and industrialism that defiled and ravaged countless planets. Everywhere Humans went was left with nothing but ruin and pollution when the machines had been cleared and the world no longer inhabitable.

She hated the Protoss for their malcontent and hauteur. When she saw Xal'Khath, she understood his pain, and why he did what he did. Because there was no need to hate the Swarm. They were the perfect species, neither egotistical and greedy, or mechanical and artificial. They were the true form of life in the galaxy, and once opposition was cleared, peace would settle over the galaxy until the ending of time. She could see the swarm now, in all of it's glory, and felt connected to it in a way she never felt before. She could sense the will of the swarm now. It's directives, it's motives, and what must be done to ensure it's survival.

"The Terrans must be kills" she said aloud suddenly and unprovoked. Xal'Khath looked over from his workbench to find a new Sara. Her hair had turned into razor sharp blades upon her now pale green skin. Eyes unblemished from the corruption of the world, Sara looked back at Xal'Khath with a renewed fervor.

"He will be killed as well. He does not see as clearly as I do, and hence, poses a threat. He thinks too much for himself... he has too much Protoss blood in him to allow our true plans to succeed." she thought.

Flexing her new muscles, Sara sat up from the bench. The restraints covering her entire body snapped from her new strength, and Xal'Khath found himself clutching a scalpel he intended for use on the young Terran. Sweat coming from his hands, Xal'Khath spoke, "Y- Your transformation is complete?" the last words almost high-pitched squeaks

"I am ready to finish what you were unable to complete" Sara said. Her confidence alarmed Xal'Khath, "Something is wrong... she seems to know what I'm going to say well before I say it." he thought. Releasing his grip on the scalpel he continued, "The transporter pa-".

"I know where it is Xal'Khath. And you do not need to concern yourself with me any longer. I know my tasks, and I will set out to do them tonight. I'm going to get my equipment, and begin planning my assault on the Terran and Protoss encampments. I suggest you do the same" Sara said getting off the labratory table. "Oh, and Xal'Khath?"

"Yes Sara?" Xal'Khath barely had time to finish his sentence before three daggers flew into the wall behind him.

"For one thing, my new name is Kerrigan. And I believe the center one is yours. I managed to replicate the other two for you... should you ever need them" Sara said in a mocking tone. She was flaunting her powers, yes. But how powerful she was becoming! Even Xal'Khath feared her. They both knew it, however Xal'Khath possesed something she didn't. The drive for individual self-preservation. If it meant resorting to warning the Terrans or Protoss of her coming, sobeit. For he too could read thoughts, and sensed that Kerrigan and the Overmind were hiding something from him...

 

[Renzokuken]

Finally, i can read more. My net has been screwy for a month!!! It's good to hear more of it. Great work Cortalos. Oh and, whaddya think of my endings?

 

[coRtALoS]

The Terrans Strike Back

"Heh, good ole sparky 'ere'll show those damn hybrids a thing or two if I ever see 'em" said one Marine, patting his rifle, to another. The two soldiers had been assigned on long-range border patrol to search for any signs of woodland highways, or pathways the hybrids may use for heavy traffic.

Following silently behind them were two Protoss-Zerg hybrids. They had picked the Marine's scent up over a mile away. They were drinking, chatting, and seemingly not cautious or careful of their own survival. Their pathetic lives would end soon enough.

Entering a large clearing, the Marines gazed across the landscape. Wild oxen were grazing the fields which seemed to stretch for miles across the wilderness. Lush green hills dotted the countryside and an ocean of tall grass swayed to the modest wind gusts. The air was warm, and it was the first spell of good weather the Terrans had experienced since landing on the planet.

Aiming his rifle to one of the Oxen, the second Marine said, "Two kegs and my two whores say you can't pick off that black one down there."

"Heh heh, yer on Cletus!" replied the other one, steadying his Gauss Rifle.

Cletus saw the trigger begin to be pulled back by his partner's forefinger, however the shot was never made. In an instant, a hybrid severed his right hand and left arm. Cletus, completely horrified instantly activated his StimPacks and began calling in for radio help.

"This is Bravo One to HQ. We are under assaul-..." *shhhhhhh* only static replied to Cletus's call for help.

"There's no way I could be out of radio contact... not here" he thought.

A mile away, Klyde, Robert and Zaren looked on through binoculars while Fade concentrated. Zaren and the others quickly realized it was the real Fade they met a day earlier. The Marines had been sent out as decoys to lure the hybrids so as to test the extent of Fade's new powers.

"That Marine won't last much longer... I can see his StimPack is already wearing off" said Zaren. Concerned that their position could be compromised with the elimination of the last Marine. But Fade had already finished the initial portion of the Psionic attack and now turned his attention to the last Marine scrambling from the oncoming assasin.

"Alya Kohass Tembria Shensau" uttered Fade, then with the flick of his hands, the Marine teleported in front of Fade.

"Look!" gasped Klyde pointing to the field. The Psionic Attack was beginning.

During Fade's incantation, a small blue star had appeared on the ground, in a location picked out by Fade. Small at first, it pulsated until growing to the size of a soccerball. The hybrids, curious of this new presence of psychic energy, cautiously approached it.

Though it wasn't necissary to shout as loud as he did, Fade completed the incantaion by shouting "Mor'Kah!". The hybrids, startled and scared began backing away from the orb and from the direction of Fade's voice, but it was too late. Two tentacles of blue psionic energy latched on to the two hapless hybrids, and began strangling their bodies.

As psionic energy was drained from the two, the orb expanded, and grew to the size of a beach ball. The thread of life the hybrids still had was hardly traceable. The orb, no longer able to absorb from the two victims, quickly sunk into the ground.

A trembling in the earth started, followed by a violent shaking. The two Fallen Templar had moments to utter their last screams for help before the earth, along with them, were sucked into the orb.

A crater, no less than 30 feet in diameter, and 15 feet deep, was all that remained of the ground, and the first two victims of the new Fade Hellstorm.

 

[coRtALoS]

I liked your endings Renzo, and I'm pretty sure I PMed you back about that. I still have it saved and Smash and I will try to lead the story up to that part so you won't have to alter it much if at all.

 

[SmashBros.Pro]

Lol, you finally posted the next part. I was waiting so I could type up the next section, but I didn't know if you were going to change anything.

 

[coRtALoS]

Did you get my last PM I sent last night after your reply on the initial draft? I was asking you what you thought of the last name. I can change it if you have a better one, it's just something I came up with in like 10 seconds.