The Agony Uncle Thread

[BumSpud]

Come in, come in.

We're all friends here.

This is a happy place, a safe place. A place where you can bare your soul for my judgement.

You see, it has come to my attention that many of the people here are having certain 'problems' in their lives, which are reflected in the sheer idiocy of their posts. Some of you have a few issues, and several have frigging lifetime subscriptions.

Come on, you can tell Uncle Bum.

I'm here to help.

I am a violent sexual predator and a functioning alcoholic, so I would class myself as a man of the world. Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll give you my honest, heartfelt advice.

Come on.

Share with the group.

 

[DB]

My arms hurt from lifting weights. Make the aches go away.

 

[IDefy]

I'm having problems with the ladies, so enlighten me one what I should do about it.

 

[BumSpud]

Originally posted by Dark Blade
My arms hurt from lifting weights. Make the aches go away.

You are obviously an insecure little boy who feels the need to beef himself up in order to make himself to appear attractive to the opposite sex. The reason your arms are hurting is not from pumping iron, but from pumping pork. Cut down on the frenzied masturbation and you'll find that your weedy little arms are pain-free.

 

[CelestialBadger]

You're a dumbass. I decided to share one of your problems since I don't really have any.

 

[Spirit-Reaper]

[color=66ff66]I'm sad yoshi won't come to life... What should I do?[/color]

 

[DB]

Originally posted by BumSpud
You are obviously an insecure little boy who feels the need to beef himself up in order to make himself to appear attractive to the opposite sex. The reason your arms are hurting is not from pumping iron, but from pumping pork. Cut down on the frenzied masturbation and you'll find that your weedy little arms are pain-free.

It's for football you idiot. Amazing at the level of intelligence of these noobs.

 

[BumSpud]

Originally posted by IDefy
I'm having problems with the ladies, so enlighten me one what I should do about it.

Plastic surgery and a penis pump. A lack of interest from the female species is usually due to one of two things - you've either got a face like a dropped pie or you're hung like a Chinese rabbit.

Failing that, buy a flash car.

 

[BumSpud]

Originally posted by CelestialBadger
You're a dumbass. I decided to share one of your problems since I don't really have any.

Come on little man, admitting you have problems is the key to finally resolving them.

We all know you haven't had sex since you got the Alsatian pregnant, and her mood swings are causing you to self-harm.

Quit stabbing things into your chunky thighs and attend to her needs. They're your tard/puppy hybrids she's carrying around inside her, and you have a duty of care towards them... and her.

Don't even think of cheating on her... the gossip at the dog's home is unbelievable.

 

[AxL]

Why did you make such a stupid thread?

Nevermind, you're retarded.

 

[BumSpud]

Originally posted by Spirit-Reaper
[color=66ff66]I'm sad yoshi won't come to life... What should I do?[/color]

Wear black condoms out of respect for the dead, you raging necrophile.

 

[BumSpud]

Originally posted by Dark Blade
It's for football you idiot. Amazing at the level of intelligence of these noobs.

Okay, another of your little problems.

Just because everyone who is in your vicinity knows that every time you open your mouth you spew a gout of moronic bullshit, doesn't mean that they are psychic.

You need to cut down on watching the X-Files... which I believe would also cut down on your vicious wanking. I know that you think David Duchovny's a bit of a hottie, but it's starting to get to the point of obsession.

 

[BumSpud]

Originally posted by AxL
Why did you make such a stupid thread?

Nevermind, you're retarded.

I posted a stupid thread so that stupid people could get some answers.

Any more questions, you half-witted chutney ferret?

 

[CelestialBadger]

So so funny. Let's see if I can pull off your style of flaming...

Bumspud, please take your dick out of your disk drive. Despite the fact that you're a forty year old virgin living in your parents' basement, I think you can find pleasure with your hand rather than getting cum in the floppy drive. How many floppy drives have you gone through in the past week? It really ****s them up man; you're going to run up quite a bill. I mean, I'm sure even your dad would be happy to pleasure you just to stop you from wasting money. After all we can't really count on your mom any more. At least not until she gives birth to your son. I imagine it's getting kind of hard for you to straddle her given how rotund she's getting. And you can't really count on the dog either. It's ass is just too big for that twig dick of yours.

Har har har. Wasn't that clever of me bumspud? Wasn't it eloquent? Seriously, **** off. I've heard your "clever insults" far too often for them to be funny.

 

[DB]

I've never seen X-Files...

 

[Speaker]

quote:
Originally posted by IDefy
I'm having problems with the ladies, so enlighten me one what I should do about it.


Plastic surgery and a penis pump. A lack of interest from the female species is usually due to one of two things - you've either got a face like a dropped pie or you're hung like a Chinese rabbit.
__________________________________________
You are obviously an insecure little boy who feels the need to beef himself up in order to make himself to appear attractive to the opposite sex. The reason your arms are hurting is not from pumping iron, but from pumping pork. Cut down on the frenzied masturbation and you'll find that your weedy little arms are pain-free.

Now for my problem.
1)You contradicted yourself in the above statement, please help to understand your stupidity.
2)I hate you
3)Your a dumbass

 

[Jason]

I can't get over the fact that you have this little e-ego going on when you make fun of geeks online.

What do I do?

 

[Speaker]

wow, he still has a lot of questions to answer, he does have to live up to:

Come in, come in.

We're all friends here.

This is a happy place, a safe place. A place where you can bare your soul for my judgement.

You see, it has come to my attention that many of the people here are having certain 'problems' in their lives, which are reflected in the sheer idiocy of their posts. Some of you have a few issues, and several have frigging lifetime subscriptions.

Come on, you can tell Uncle Bum.

I'm here to help.

I am a violent sexual predator and a functioning alcoholic, so I would class myself as a man of the world. Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll give you my honest, heartfelt advice.

Come on.

Share with the group.

 

[IDefy]

Originally posted by BumSpud
Plastic surgery and a penis pump. A lack of interest from the female species is usually due to one of two things - you've either got a face like a dropped pie or you're hung like a Chinese rabbit.

Failing that, buy a flash car.

What would just make another problems, money.

 

[Speaker]

and pain recovering from the procedure. Wow Bum, u got a lot on your hands don't you