Life in it's hateful existance...

[jd-inflames]

JDInFlames: i think i'm going to post this in cc...just to piss off those people who hate personal stuff on the forums, and perhaps to explain to people why i've been so edgy lately

galatia39: yes

galatia39: post it

JDInFlames: you have to admit, my patience isn't what it normally is =/

This is the reason I'm posting all of this personal stuff...it's a dreadful story really, and if you are one who don't like personal stuff in these forums, just skip this thread.

galatia39: whats wrong?

JDInFlames: women problems all over the place

galatia39: oh
galatia39: girls
galatia39: ignore them
galatia39: :-D

JDInFlames: well, not quite in the mood to go gay just yet =/

galatia39: nah
galatia39: :-D

JDInFlames: like i said in the asylum, if it werent for the fact that men make me even sicker and i cant stand the thought of anal penetration, i probably would

galatia39: you are the secoind guy who says this to me today
galatia39: :-D
galatia39: the other one broke up with his g/f

JDInFlames: well, i've broken up with my gf 3 times so far...and i finally got tired of fighting so then i start being with this other girl, which is like 10x better for me than my previous g/f...well, she goes to canada to visit her boyfriend, and i couldnt tell if i was still welcome after that. I knew I could still have her...but I wanted Tisha back...love destroys all, you know?
JDInFlames: so i got back with my girlfriend

galatia39: and?

JDInFlames: which was a mistake because the other girl just said she needed to think...well, little things began to add up and evidentally my g/f couldnt take any more of my "crap" and dumped me

galatia39: r u happy now?
galatia39: ouch jd

JDInFlames: then when i told her to take all the time she wanted cause i was sick of her shit, she wont hardly stay away, and when she suckers me into feeling sorry for her, she pulls the same shit as if shes in control

galatia39: well

JDInFlames: so i'm talking to the other girl again, but she seems to think that sleeping with me put me in an emotional rollercoster..and shes torn between finally dumping her b/f for me, or dumping him for my friends roomate

galatia39: this is why i say ignore them

JDInFlames: who would be horrible for her...he may be better looking, but hes an ass to women
JDInFlames: i dont know, my lifes just been really shitty lately..not to mention i need to get another job before i lose my insurance and my house

galatia39: dont think negative plz
galatia39: the good thing is that you got rid of your g.f
galatia39: and you can look for new girls now
galatia39: who will make you feel good
galatia39: and i am sure you will find another job

JDInFlames: yeah...but i'm not that attractive of a guy, i'm poor, no job, no life aspect
JDInFlames: and i'm a controlling asshole who cant help but being an ass half the time...
JDInFlames: only good thing about me is that i've never hit a woman and never plan to ><

galatia39: what are you talking about jd????
galatia39: are these her words???
galatia39: you are attractive, you are young and you can do whatever you wish
galatia39: dont be harsh on yourself plz

JDInFlames: no, those are my words

galatia39: your life is just starting

JDInFlames: shes not too much better looking than i am however...but the other girl is way too good for me...

galatia39: nah
galatia39: shame on u

JDInFlames: i'm already 1/4 or more through my life life is shorter than you think i suppose

galatia39: why do you think like that for yourself???
galatia39: life is what we make f it jd
galatia39: and everything is in our minds

JDInFlames: well, its the truth...i only have my crap weekend job, i'm poor, etc

galatia39: if you chose to think that your life sucks, theres no way to be convinced for the opposite
galatia39: almost all of us start off poor
galatia39: but we work
galatia39: and we do better and better

JDInFlames: it's hard to work with nothing...

galatia39: nothing????
galatia39: you have yourself
galatia39: tahts enough
galatia39: ;-)

JDInFlames: oh, and to add more problems to my story, my best friend of 7 years left me for my girlfriend...doesnt that just put the icing on the cake?

galatia39: well
galatia39: that sucks
galatia39: but its your friends problem now;-)
galatia39: you can sit back and laugh

JDInFlames: no, he didn't leave me alone to be close to her in that way, but he spends all of his time consoling her
galatia39: well
galatia39: maybe he is trying to get into her pants

JDInFlames: we had a bad past, but we fixed it...and for some reason he took this time to shit down my spine and it was a very bad time..

galatia39: you shouldnt care though

JDInFlames: i really hope not...

galatia39: nah

JDInFlames: problem is, i do =/
JDInFlames: a lot

galatia39: why?

galatia39: u just said you were tired of her

JDInFlames: i am...but i'm still having a hard time wanting to do anything knowing she wont be there with me
JDInFlames: the only thing that keeps me going without her, is *edited names out*...and i dont know if i can have her back

galatia39: thats habit

Hopefully that will explain a bit of what's been going through JD's old mind...*cries**pulls a roach and slits wrists*

 

[Emperor Pan I]

I am not gay, but seriosuly stay away from girls. Go to school, do as much as you can get a job get money. all they do is get money out of you, and then they rip your heart out and crush it on the floor.

You dont need to be gay, jsut dont focus on sex. taht is why god gave u the right hand. You have a crap job? go to school and learn to get a good job. Not even stupid people need to be left out of such oppertunities. make osmething of yourself.

 

[jd-inflames]

Problems1: I don't have the money nor support to go to college, so until i can get a more experience resume going, I'm stuck with entry level jobs paying 10 bucks an hour, which is fine for now...but it's hard to support yourself with that kind of pay.

Problems2: I don't focus on sex. If you could ask anyone who really knew me, they would be able to tell you that. Sadly enough, I just have a hard time without having someone there for me...even if it's just a close friend...I have friends, but non who can console me in those times of dispare. The only reason girlfriends are better for this position, is just because I feel much better when I'm being "nurtured" so to speak. There is nothing like the power of feminine affection.

 

[Darkmatter]

Sigh. And I thought I had girl problems. You need self-esteem I think, you need to stop thinking of what bad can happen, and thinking what good can happen. If you believe you can do something, and ptu your mind to it, I'm sure you can do it. I've been doing this lately, from experience, it works. It really does. Your best friend, man that sucks. I know my best firends wouldn't do that, but what he did was ****ed. But like Galatia said, he gets to deal with her now, so shes out of your hair. Sounds like you just need to move on form that girl, and possibly get with the girl you think is too good for you. Maybe she doesdn;t care how you look, but cares about whats inside more? Did you think of that? I'd sure hope so, It's not always about looks you know JD.



So you're a controlling asshole, thats the way you are. Maybe you need to cruve on that, if you plan to have a girl, never take something from her she loves to do. It will always end up you losing. Trust me on this. I'm sorry to hear about the job and house, but you just need faith. You have to know and believe that you can go out, get a job, and continue on with your life. If you don't think you can, chances are good you won't be able too. I hope the other girl likes you for your personality, or anything but looks. You seem like it could pull you out of your semi-depressed state if she said yes, dumped her BF and got with you. But you should treat her better then most if she would have such an impact on you, I'd say.


I'd move on. Breaking up with the same girl 3 times, never been there man. So I can;t feel your pain, but sounds to me you just need to drop her. You most likley have feelings for her still, or some sort of remorse for trying to get back with her a 4th or 5th time, but don't. Best thing is to move on, try your chancesz with the other girl, and get your life back on the road dude. Go get a job, I know It's not all fun and games, but you need to support yourself, and that girl if you end up getting with her. Good luck JD man, on everything.

 

[jd-inflames]

One thing that I think you missed, is that my friend didn't get with her in that way...he pretty much just dropped helping me out with my problems and helped her deal with hers, not to mention everything I ever told him, he used it against me with her. Which is about half of my ex's problems with me.

And when it comes to controlling, thats just what she told me...only thing I ever stopped her from doing was going to one guys house when she started to "develop a crush" on him, and I got mad at her whenever she used to cut herself and whenever she smoked pot. Is that so wrong?

 

[Darkmatter]

No. She was being self destructive, but that wa sher choice. Same with pot, and the guy thing was a good call too. Seeing as she liked him, or a little crush. She should go to peoples houses you trust, or if you trust her enough, let her go to someones house as long as you know she won't do anything. But that's me. I know most of the girls as my friends very well, so if I ever got with any of them, there wouldn;t be a problem like that.

 

[jd-inflames]

Well, for the most part I did trust her, and anytime she would do something and I ask her to not do it again, she yelled at me for not trusting her. Just another never-ending cycle of mulipulation I suppose...

 

[Darkmatter]

Man. That sucks dude. Sounds like she had the problems, and not you. But that's just what I think. Maybe she wasn't right for you JD? Well, I've put in my two cents. Good luck man.

 

[IDefy]

So it seems everyone is having female troubles this week, even me but no need for me to share...

Friends betray you, girls stab you. Anger and depression set in and soon your magnetized to your room and isolated. I apologize for not reading the entire conversation but I tried to get the jist of it. It's hard understanding because I am not in your shoes and everyone handles problems differently. Keeping busy helps and distracting yourself but these are only temporary things to relieve stress. You'll get through it and learn a lot, it will only make you stronger if you make something of it.

 

[Jason]

JD man..I'm feelin' ya..sometimes people can work in ****ed up ways..

Heh..about the schooling and being poor..you're most definately financial aid qualifying..I suggest applying for a student loan or some grants and scholarships..

As for the girl..wow..you seem to be devoted enough, but is it really worth it? I mean..I know for one how even if everyone tells you the right answer, love will get in the way and control your decisions..I've seen it firsthand with a lot of my friends, and even myself.

Just do what you think will be best for you in the end. If you think trying for a certain girl is right for you, then by all means do it. If you think working on your own life and then entering a new body into it is better, do that. It's really your choice in the end man..

Well I'm pulling for ya, JD. Hang in there.

 

[jd-inflames]

I fear I'm losing my sanity...it pushes further and further by the day. I hurt myself today...I put a cigarette out right on my wrist, oppisite of where my earlier scars were from 3 years ago the last time I had felt so hopeless. I did it right in front of her. She thinks I've screwed her life up so bad, I suppose I can't directly blame her, but she drove me far over the point of insanity. On a good note, I don't think I could do it again. As much as I enjoy the feeling of pain, and thrive on it...I can't do that to her, no matter what she's done to me. I just want this to all be over with...before I recommit myself...

 

[Jason]

I fear I'm losing my sanity...it pushes further and further by the day. I hurt myself today...I put a cigarette out right on my wrist, oppisite of where my earlier scars were from 3 years ago the last time I had felt so hopeless. I did it right in front of her. She thinks I've screwed her life up so bad, I suppose I can't directly blame her, but she drove me far over the point of insanity. On a good note, I don't think I could do it again. As much as I enjoy the feeling of pain, and thrive on it...I can't do that to her, no matter what she's done to me. I just want this to all be over with...before I recommit myself...

JD you of all people should know that self mutilation gets you nowhere. It does nothing besides hurt you and possibly those around you.

No one girl is worth the mental and/or physical torment you may put yourself through. Even the one you love. Trust me JD, you don't want to go back to those days of the old..just remember how horrible it was.

 

[jd-inflames]

My sanity may have been lacking, but at least I wasn't getting ulcers out of it...

JDInFlames: i wont let this build up inside of me
JDInFlames: i wont let this build up inside of me
JDInFlames: i wont let this build up inside of me
JDInFlames: i wont let this build up inside of me

MagickalAngel83: what's the matter?

JDInFlames: (Link: http://www.cursedprophets.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=38&t=404)http://www.cursedprophets.com/forums/index.php?act=ST&f=38&t=404
JDInFlames: dont tell mom...it wont happen again

MagickalAngel83: sigh...know what I think?

JDInFlames: (Link: http://www.battleforums.com/showthread.php?t=78530)http://www.battleforums.com/showthread.php?t=78530
JDInFlames: what...

MagickalAngel83: I think you need a break...some time to yourself without having to worry about anyone else

JDInFlames: yeah...but how can i do that?
JDInFlames: theres no where i cant go that she cant find me...

MagickalAngel83: I don't know josh...I just know you need to get away from everyone for a few days. you should save up some money and just get a hotel for a couple of days and chill out

JDInFlames: and what am i doing to do? the boredom would kill me even faster...

MagickalAngel83: get one with an internet connection and cable. I'm not talking about isolating yourself for eternity...I'm just talking about a little break, where you don't have to deal with her, and you don't have to deal with dad or daniel or anybody...just some time for you

JDInFlames: i just need tasha to come back from canada then i might have my moment of sanity

JDInFlames: jesus christ why do i have to depend on people to make me happy

JDInFlames: i've cried more in the past week then i have in 3 years...

JDInFlames: i have 2 job interviews tomorrow starting at 9:30 and i'm still ****ing awake prolly wont be able to sleep tonight

JDInFlames: and the only relaxing factor that i have is knowing that i inflicted bodily harm upon my self and that is just wrong

MagickalAngel83: eww..*shakes head* you don't need any girls to make you happy josh...you just need to take some time and remember who you really are without someone. Besides, I know it's cliche, but you'll never be able to love someone properly unless you can love yourself

JDInFlames: she took everything away from me...

JDInFlames: even daniel...

MagickalAngel83: she didn't take daniel away from you bub, you did.

JDInFlames: he wasnt like this till she started hanging out with him nonstop...i know i ****ed up, but i worked it out
JDInFlames: she took everything
JDInFlames: she took my life
JDInFlames: she took my meaning
JDInFlames: she took my reason
JDInFlames: and she doesnt even care...

MagickalAngel83: you, know...you have every right to be pissed off and to try and pass blame, and to just go off on the ****ing world. But soon you'll wake up one morning and your first thought won't be of her or of how mad you are or how everythings shitty right now. I hate to tell you this so bluntly, but maybe you need that...you'll get over it.

JDInFlames: i tried to make it better...i fail at everything...
JDInFlames: even you are against me

MagickalAngel83: You don't fail at everything, and I'm not against you. I just want you to get better so I don't have to toss and turn all night praying you didn't kill yourself.

MagickalAngel83: You know, I had a shitty few days too. I broke up with my boyfriend and he moved in with another girl, and a very good friend of mine tried to kill herself and ended up in the hospital, in the psych ward.
MagickalAngel83: But i'm going to go on. And you're going to go on
MagickalAngel83: and it doesn't seem like it right now, because you're hurting so bad, but you'll be ok.

JDInFlames: you didnt have with john what i had with tisha

MagickalAngel83: I'm not trying to compare my relationship with john with what you and tish had. You guys have been together a long long time and you've been through a lot of shit together. I was simply using that as an example to show you that you're not the only one that can feel pain. I'm no better than you are...but you're no worse than I.

JDInFlames: i'm fighting so hard right now...
JDInFlames: all i want is more pain...i'm tired of this emotional shit...the physical wipes it out BUT I CANt!!!
JDInFlames: i'm tired of crying...

MagickalAngel83: Well, you need to shape up, because I don't want to run and tell mommy everytime you feel you can talk to me. I don't do it because I want to get you in trouble or because I want to look like the good kid. I do it because you scare the shit out of me and I don't wanna lose you no matter how mean you are to me. ;-)
MagickalAngel83: So yeah, you're girlfriend broke up with you and you're poor and you feel you have no future. But I LOVE YOU....so don't give me this bullshit about no one caring and no one loving you.

JDInFlames: well...sometimes i suppose i just say destructive things...

MagickalAngel83: Life's ****ed up, bub. But you just gotta take it in stride and learn from it. Don't look at it as a failure, look at it as a learning experience. So i'm corny...but I'm right

JDInFlames: what can i possibly learn from that...

MagickalAngel83: learn from your mistakes. She made mistakes too, and I'm not putting blame on anything. But you didn't always do right by her...you can learn from that. Maybe she'll learn a lesson too, if she's lucky. If not, that's her fault. YOU learn something from it and YOU grow as a person and maybe next time around things won't end so badly

JDInFlames: ok...so don't entrust your feelings with women...got it

MagickalAngel83: Even if I'm not making you feel ANY better...give me a little bit of credit for trying...I've been to the point of killing myself as well this week.
MagickalAngel83: That's not what i'm saying...

JDInFlames: i know...and i'm thankful
JDInFlames: thanks sis

MagickalAngel83: All I'm saying is that she messed up, but you messed up too...and not by trusting her with your feelings or whatever

MagickalAngel83 is my sister...in case you haven't figured it out by now...

 

[RoaCh of DisCord]

galatia39: if you chose to think that your life sucks, theres no way to be convinced for the opposite

Galatia has a major point here. Life has it's negative times..and things get extremely rough and hard to deal with, for all of us... but it's your choice in what happens with you. You can sit around being depressed, and feeling sorry for yourself...or you can go out and fix the problem. If you give up, and decide that life sucks...and there's no hope...well, then there's no hope. Period. If you don't believe in yourself, then no one else can believe in you either. It has to be YOU that does the changing. You have to be the one that fixes your problems, and you have to be the one that decides to move on and get on with your life. You just need to be in the right state of mind. You may feel hopeless at times...but remember, you always have the power to change your own future.

I also most definitely agree with viz. Mental stability > any girl. If you want to get on with your life, and stop doing stupid things to yourself (like burning yourself, and what not..) you need to put yourself in front of everyone else. It may be selfish, but in times, you need to consider yourself more important than everyone else around you. Atleast until you shape up.

Also, don't take offense to this...but you complain about having a shit job. Well, do something about it. Telling us won't help you in any way.

 

[jd-inflames]

A lesson to all of you still in high school, which is the VAST majority of you...stay in school...go to college...make something out of yourself. I've failed at life and am forced to work 10x harder than I should...don't make the same mistakes I have...same goes with women too...treat them good, and be sure to take care of yourself..

 

[Darkmatter]

I'll take that as a guide, JD. You didn;t fail at life, you just it some major bumps. You can still get your life back on track JD, you just need to believe you can, and actually apply yourself in getting to that point.

 

[RoaCh of DisCord]

A lesson to all of you still in high school, which is the VAST majority of you...stay in school...go to college...make something out of yourself. I've failed at life and am forced to work 10x harder than I should...don't make the same mistakes I have...same goes with women too...treat them good, and be sure to take care of yourself..

You've failed at life? :rofl2 !! Aren't you like 19, or 20? Trust me..you have along way to go...and you haven't failed life until you're dead, and haven't made something of yourself.

 

[Jason]

you haven't failed life until you're dead, and haven't made something of yourself.

That's a good point.

 

[jd-inflames]

Like I told Gally...life isn't as long as you think it is...I'm already almost done with mine. With my health status and my personal habits, I probably won't live much longer than 40. 60 if I'm really lucky.

 

[Galatia]

JDInFlames: jesus christ why do i have to depend on people to make me happy

We all do that, JD. But if you think about it realistically, it is a mind process and it can be controlled from the mind. So instead of thinking that you have to depend on other people to make you happy, start thinking that you must not give other people access to make your life miserable.