Jokes That'll Give You A Seizure
- Thread starter Magikarp
- Start date
Oxide08
[New And Improved!]
lol theres soem good jokes.... especially hobos joke .... lol 
darden
Member!
Ok people let's share the joke
A pair goes to a party,
and its there that they find out its group sex
the lights get turned off, 25 minutes pass and the guy turns them back on
and says
- we have to make up some rules for the 3rd time i am giving a blowjob
A man walks in to a Bar and sees the menu hanging on the wall
Hamburger - $2.00
Cheeseburger - $ 2.50
Hand job - $5.00
and he sees two fine girl greeting costumers, he walks to them and says
- are you the girls for the hand job??
they say
- yess
so he says
- so wash your hands because i wanna a cheeseburger
A grampa says to grama
- i want sex
so grama replies
-come on, we are too old
grampa doesn't give up and continues
- i will give you half of my check
grama finally agrees, after after the "sex" grampa says
-Wow!!! if i knew you were a virgin, i would give you the whole check
grama replies
- oo if i knew yours gonna stand up i would have taken off my underwear
no one for all you racist people
A drunk Johnny walks pass a burning building
he stops and screams
- JUMPi will catch you all
and people from the building say
- no you are too drunk
but they agree because they will die anyway
so the first man jumps, johnny catches him, and the second one and the next one, but 4th one was a black person
he jumps and johnny doesn't catch him and says
- come on, stop throwing burned ones
if any of you like them i can post more
A pair goes to a party,
and its there that they find out its group sex
the lights get turned off, 25 minutes pass and the guy turns them back on
and says
- we have to make up some rules for the 3rd time i am giving a blowjob
A man walks in to a Bar and sees the menu hanging on the wall
Hamburger - $2.00
Cheeseburger - $ 2.50
Hand job - $5.00
and he sees two fine girl greeting costumers, he walks to them and says
- are you the girls for the hand job??
they say
- yess
so he says
- so wash your hands because i wanna a cheeseburger
A grampa says to grama
- i want sex
so grama replies
-come on, we are too old
grampa doesn't give up and continues
- i will give you half of my check
grama finally agrees, after after the "sex" grampa says
-Wow!!! if i knew you were a virgin, i would give you the whole check
grama replies
- oo if i knew yours gonna stand up i would have taken off my underwear
no one for all you racist people
A drunk Johnny walks pass a burning building
he stops and screams
- JUMPi will catch you all
and people from the building say
- no you are too drunk
but they agree because they will die anyway
so the first man jumps, johnny catches him, and the second one and the next one, but 4th one was a black person
he jumps and johnny doesn't catch him and says
- come on, stop throwing burned ones
if any of you like them i can post more
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
why not check out the racist jokes thread I just jam packed it with lots of stuff.
Cert
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wow hobo that one is like 8 years old.
Nostalgia
Member!
i kno tha best jokes
CLASSIC
Why is Stevey Wonder always smiling??
Because he doesn't know he's black.
YO momma so fat and hairy they filmed "GORILLAS IN THE MIST" in her shower.
ROFL DAT SHIT MADE ME SEISURE FOR like 3 hours
another good one
YO MOM SO FAT WHEN SHE WOKE UP HER PILLOWS WERE GONE
CLASSIC
Why is Stevey Wonder always smiling??
Because he doesn't know he's black.
YO momma so fat and hairy they filmed "GORILLAS IN THE MIST" in her shower.
ROFL DAT SHIT MADE ME SEISURE FOR like 3 hours
another good one
YO MOM SO FAT WHEN SHE WOKE UP HER PILLOWS WERE GONE
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
45 Fun Elevator Activities
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side-to-side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Meow, occasionally.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go!" then sigh and say "Oops!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Leave a box between the doors.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers, with it.
Start a sing-along.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Shadow box.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Lean against the button panel.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space""
Bring a chair along.
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Submitted by: James Anthony Savage
Each time the elevator door opens say, "Here's JOHNNY!"
Whenever someone comes in say in a deep voice, "GET OUT!"
Claim your Santa Claus and inform the person next to you that they have been bad!
One word - SEIZURE!
Breakdance to the elevator music!
Submitted by: Corey Schuler (sega32@geocities.com)
Whenever the elevator starts moving say, "Beam us up Scottie!"
Jump at each floor to make the elevator bounce.
Continually talk to yourself about pubic hairs.
Go into an elevator with a large bag and a beeper, or a beeping watch in a large bag. Set the beeper to go off a few seconds after you are inside the elevator. When it beeps, yell out, "Oh my God! We've got 10 seconds left!"
Submitted by: Dave "Lord Satan" Ordonez (Ordo@Macrocozm.com)
THROW A DOLLAR BILL ON THE FLOOR REAL HARD (MAKE SURE PEOPLE SEE YOU DO IT) THEN PICK IT UP AND SAY, "GEEZ, IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY!!"
Submitted by: ILEEN GESHEL (DMGESHELALB@worldnet.att.net)
Put your arm around your invisible friend.
Act as if your are really really drunk
Take refried beans in your mouth and hold a bag infront you and spit the beans into the bag and ask the person next to to hold it while you get out another bag. All the while, saying, "damn flu."
Wear a trench coat, and when the is at least 5 people in the elevator open it up and speak into your coat, "Alright I have hostages." loud enough that every on can hear you.
Submitted by: Patrick Shea (impromtu_fall@yahoo.com)
Here are a few more suggestions. I wonder how long the list can get?
Bring a dartboard and darts. Practice your throw.
Bring an invisible dog leash and tell your "dog" what a good boy he is.
Stare at the ceiling panel for a few minutes, then ask if someone can give you a lift because you left your wallet up there.
Pretend there's a camera in the button panel and it's following your every movement. Occasionally try to "hide" from it behind other passengers.
Practice the bagpipes.
Retell the story of how you were swindled out of a bunch of money you acquired as the result of a bank robbery, including all the sound effects.
Whenever someone gets on accusingly inquire about their whereabouts the day JFK was shot.
Drop bags of groceries then look around at the other passengers like it was their fault.
If you've made someone feel uncomfortable by doing any of these things make sure you tell them that they were on "Candid Camera". When they say, "Are you serious?", just look away and sulk.
Submitted by: sanctil@nh.ultranet.com
Panhandle
Stare at other passengers, laughing to yourself
Wave your hand in front of your face and say, "Ok! Who did it!"
Whistle the Andy Griffith theme song
Cry out, "But I WAN'T to be a model! "Then fall on the floor in a pathetic heap, hands covering face and weep bitterly.
Decide right then it would be a perfect time to put your french perfume on.
Every one gets a kick in the shin.
Dress like a gypsie and read everyones fortune. Predict that the elevator will crash and send them to their deaths.
Sing the song that never ends.
Put a sign on the inside of the elevator door. "Out Of Order."
Change your gym shoes.
Bring a camera and take a pictures of everyone that gets on.
Take off your clothes. Stand there naked. Keep a tally of those that:
1. Gasp in shock.
2. Pretend they don't see you.
3. Eye you appreciatively.
4. Eye you, then burst out laughing.
5. Faint or die.
THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
Play tackle football with the mannequins.
Stand next to an employee on a busy day and scream an obsenity. when people look over at you, look disturbed at the employee like he did it.
Play with the toys.
Knock that giant bin of bouncy balls over. then play dodge ball with the other people at the store.
One word- retardation.
Ask the floral people automtive questions and don't leave them alone until they answer.
Switch prices around.
Try on clothes AT the racks.
At supercenters- hang out at the sample stands and load up like crazy!
Cry out really loud for your baby until you get a ton of people over to help you, then go "Oh, what am I thinking! I don't have a baby!"
Hit on the old greeter lady/guy.
Ask their "specialists" about things in their field and make stuff up (for audio- "Do you have an synthetic decompressor 7' sub-woofer?")
Get in the pit and try to love someone.
Go in really dressed up with an ID that says something about being an inspector. Fire everyone you see.
Read all the magazines...crumble the pages.
Tell one of the workers that looks unhappy to whistle the tune in the commercial.
Bring chips and dip.
Go in the kiddie section and scream "SANTA IS DEAD" during the holiday season.
Set up a stand at the door outside selling lemonade. make it really nasty and if anyone complains say "Hey, don't blame me, talk to the upper management people...they're the ones who pissed in it."
Streak
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side-to-side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Meow, occasionally.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go!" then sigh and say "Oops!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Leave a box between the doors.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers, with it.
Start a sing-along.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Shadow box.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Lean against the button panel.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space""
Bring a chair along.
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Submitted by: James Anthony Savage
Each time the elevator door opens say, "Here's JOHNNY!"
Whenever someone comes in say in a deep voice, "GET OUT!"
Claim your Santa Claus and inform the person next to you that they have been bad!
One word - SEIZURE!
Breakdance to the elevator music!
Submitted by: Corey Schuler (sega32@geocities.com)
Whenever the elevator starts moving say, "Beam us up Scottie!"
Jump at each floor to make the elevator bounce.
Continually talk to yourself about pubic hairs.
Go into an elevator with a large bag and a beeper, or a beeping watch in a large bag. Set the beeper to go off a few seconds after you are inside the elevator. When it beeps, yell out, "Oh my God! We've got 10 seconds left!"
Submitted by: Dave "Lord Satan" Ordonez (Ordo@Macrocozm.com)
THROW A DOLLAR BILL ON THE FLOOR REAL HARD (MAKE SURE PEOPLE SEE YOU DO IT) THEN PICK IT UP AND SAY, "GEEZ, IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY!!"
Submitted by: ILEEN GESHEL (DMGESHELALB@worldnet.att.net)
Put your arm around your invisible friend.
Act as if your are really really drunk
Take refried beans in your mouth and hold a bag infront you and spit the beans into the bag and ask the person next to to hold it while you get out another bag. All the while, saying, "damn flu."
Wear a trench coat, and when the is at least 5 people in the elevator open it up and speak into your coat, "Alright I have hostages." loud enough that every on can hear you.
Submitted by: Patrick Shea (impromtu_fall@yahoo.com)
Here are a few more suggestions. I wonder how long the list can get?
Bring a dartboard and darts. Practice your throw.
Bring an invisible dog leash and tell your "dog" what a good boy he is.
Stare at the ceiling panel for a few minutes, then ask if someone can give you a lift because you left your wallet up there.
Pretend there's a camera in the button panel and it's following your every movement. Occasionally try to "hide" from it behind other passengers.
Practice the bagpipes.
Retell the story of how you were swindled out of a bunch of money you acquired as the result of a bank robbery, including all the sound effects.
Whenever someone gets on accusingly inquire about their whereabouts the day JFK was shot.
Drop bags of groceries then look around at the other passengers like it was their fault.
If you've made someone feel uncomfortable by doing any of these things make sure you tell them that they were on "Candid Camera". When they say, "Are you serious?", just look away and sulk.
Submitted by: sanctil@nh.ultranet.com
Panhandle
Stare at other passengers, laughing to yourself
Wave your hand in front of your face and say, "Ok! Who did it!"
Whistle the Andy Griffith theme song
Cry out, "But I WAN'T to be a model! "Then fall on the floor in a pathetic heap, hands covering face and weep bitterly.
Decide right then it would be a perfect time to put your french perfume on.
Every one gets a kick in the shin.
Dress like a gypsie and read everyones fortune. Predict that the elevator will crash and send them to their deaths.
Sing the song that never ends.
Put a sign on the inside of the elevator door. "Out Of Order."
Change your gym shoes.
Bring a camera and take a pictures of everyone that gets on.
Take off your clothes. Stand there naked. Keep a tally of those that:
1. Gasp in shock.
2. Pretend they don't see you.
3. Eye you appreciatively.
4. Eye you, then burst out laughing.
5. Faint or die.
THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
Play tackle football with the mannequins.
Stand next to an employee on a busy day and scream an obsenity. when people look over at you, look disturbed at the employee like he did it.
Play with the toys.
Knock that giant bin of bouncy balls over. then play dodge ball with the other people at the store.
One word- retardation.
Ask the floral people automtive questions and don't leave them alone until they answer.
Switch prices around.
Try on clothes AT the racks.
At supercenters- hang out at the sample stands and load up like crazy!
Cry out really loud for your baby until you get a ton of people over to help you, then go "Oh, what am I thinking! I don't have a baby!"
Hit on the old greeter lady/guy.
Ask their "specialists" about things in their field and make stuff up (for audio- "Do you have an synthetic decompressor 7' sub-woofer?")
Get in the pit and try to love someone.
Go in really dressed up with an ID that says something about being an inspector. Fire everyone you see.
Read all the magazines...crumble the pages.
Tell one of the workers that looks unhappy to whistle the tune in the commercial.
Bring chips and dip.
Go in the kiddie section and scream "SANTA IS DEAD" during the holiday season.
Set up a stand at the door outside selling lemonade. make it really nasty and if anyone complains say "Hey, don't blame me, talk to the upper management people...they're the ones who pissed in it."
Streak
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
Q: Why did the blond climb over the chain linked fence
A: To see what was on the other side
Q: Three people were walking down the street. Santa Claus, a smart blond and a dumb blond. They all saw a ten dollar bill on the sidewalk. Who got it?
A: The dumb blond got it because the other two are fictional!
Q: What does a blonde and a prawn have in common?
A: They're both full of shit and their pink bits are tasty.
Q: How do you keep a blond busy?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How do you get a one armed blond out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said "concentrate".
Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
A: To see what was on the other side
Q: Three people were walking down the street. Santa Claus, a smart blond and a dumb blond. They all saw a ten dollar bill on the sidewalk. Who got it?
A: The dumb blond got it because the other two are fictional!
Q: What does a blonde and a prawn have in common?
A: They're both full of shit and their pink bits are tasty.
Q: How do you keep a blond busy?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: How do you get a one armed blond out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: How does a blond spell farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O
Q: How does a blond kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What do you call a blonde golfer with an iq of 125?
A: A foursome.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said "concentrate".
Q: Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
A: She wanted to go on a round trip.
Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
A: She thought it was diet coke.
Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.
Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: "Space. The final frontier......"
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea"?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that stood in front of her mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know which ONE came first...
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
.Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. OR A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's ?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number. OR A: They can't find the number 11 on the telephone.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "What's a lightbulb?" OR A: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. OR A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call four blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call fifteen blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
Q: Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
A: It's called MAIDS - if they don't get one, they die.
Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea"?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that stood in front of her mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know which ONE came first...
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
.Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. OR A: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.
Q: What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
Q: Why do blondes drive VW's ?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE.
Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
A: They can't remember the number. OR A: They can't find the number 11 on the telephone.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: "What's a lightbulb?" OR A: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. OR A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call four blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call fifteen blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The inside of the back of her head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in lightbulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: A guy asked his blonde wife, "How did you get the car in the living room"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q: Someone asked if a blonde believed in smoking.
A: She said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Did you hear about the blonde who:
Was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
Took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?
After watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Named her dog herpes....because it wouldn't heel.
Thought Taco Bell was the Mexican Phone Company.
A blonde got tired of being one so she died her hair brown.
She decided to go for a ride in the country and came across a farmer crossing his many sheep over the road.
"If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me a lamb?" she inquired.
"OK," said the farmer.
The gal guessed correctly and picked out her lamb. "Now," she said. "If you can tell what color my hair is, I'll give you back this little fellow."
"OK," said the farmer. "Your a blonde and now give me back my dog!"
Q: Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Dodger Stadium?
A: Four blondes drowned at a game last year.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that drove her pickup into the lake?
A: Her dog drowned while she tried to get the tailgate down.
Q: Why don't blondes eat barbecue beans?
A: Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
Q: How can you tell a blonde is on location at a drilling rig?
A: She's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
Q: How many blondes does it take to eat an armadillo?
A: Three. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.
Q: Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up,
"Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde got real excited and called her all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The inside of the back of her head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in lightbulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: A guy asked his blonde wife, "How did you get the car in the living room"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q: Someone asked if a blonde believed in smoking.
A: She said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Did you hear about the blonde who:
Was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
Took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates?
After watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Named her dog herpes....because it wouldn't heel.
Thought Taco Bell was the Mexican Phone Company.
A blonde got tired of being one so she died her hair brown.
She decided to go for a ride in the country and came across a farmer crossing his many sheep over the road.
"If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me a lamb?" she inquired.
"OK," said the farmer.
The gal guessed correctly and picked out her lamb. "Now," she said. "If you can tell what color my hair is, I'll give you back this little fellow."
"OK," said the farmer. "Your a blonde and now give me back my dog!"
Q: Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Dodger Stadium?
A: Four blondes drowned at a game last year.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that drove her pickup into the lake?
A: Her dog drowned while she tried to get the tailgate down.
Q: Why don't blondes eat barbecue beans?
A: Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.
Q: How can you tell a blonde is on location at a drilling rig?
A: She's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.
Q: How many blondes does it take to eat an armadillo?
A: Three. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.
Q: Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up,
"Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde got real excited and called her all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
Q: A blonde aggie decides to raise chickens. So, she goes to the feed store and buys some chicks. She takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads sticking up. She waters them, but they die. She goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that she bought defective chicks, and gets another set. This time she plants them with their heads sticking down. She waters them, but they die also. She then sends a letter to her alma mater, describing the problem. They send a letter back asking for a soil sample.
Q: Did you know that ice is no longer available in the drinks at the Blondes Only Club in Beverly Hills?
A: The blonde who knew the recipe moved away.
A blonde happens across a professor who is staring intently into an aquarium.
The blonde, says, "Professor, what are you doing?"
The professor answers, "I'm attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. Umm, why don't you try it!"
The blonde, certain of her ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, her eyes start bugging and her mouth makes a little 'o' shape like she's pushing water through her gills.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde Buddhist Monk?
A: She kept telling her students to contemplate the sound of two hands clapping.
Submitted by: John Holmes (bugman@peganet.com)
Two blondes are walking along when they see this set of tracks. The first one says "Those are tiger tracks."
"No" says the second one "those are elephant tracks."
WHAM...the next minute they both got hit by a train.
A blonde is in the middle of an empty field, sitting in a row boat, pretending to row.
Suddenly, a car pulls up and another blonde gets out. "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name!" she yelled. "If I could swim I'd come out there and deck you!"
Submitted by: Hey..your not Mickey Mouse are you?
Two blonds are walking down the street, the first one says, "Look, a dead bird!"
The second one looks up and says, "Where... where?
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
How can you tell blondes are so biased?
They keep going, "Buy us this....Buy us that."
What's the difference between the following two sounds: A punctured balloon and a blonde with a hole in her head?
None.
Why don't blondes like the S.A.T.?
It's too difficult to spell.
What's the first things blondes do in the morning?
They go home!
What's a blonde's favorite saying?
'I don't know'
What do a blonde reading a book and people in a silent movie have in common?
Their lips are moving but no sound is coming out!
Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?
She stepped to close to the campfire!
Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.
Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
It was really sad. One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.
What do a blonde and a burnt out light bulb have in common?
One's just as bright as the other!
Why'd the blonde bury her driver's license?
Because it had expired!
Do you hear about the blonde who woke up next to a guy in a baseball cap?
She looked around bewildered and asked, "Where's the rest of the team?"
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
What does a blonde wear around her neck to attract men?
Her ankles.
Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
More head-room.
How can you tell if a blonde has just been using a computer?
There's white-out on the screen!
What's the first thing a blonde/sorority girl does in the morning?
Introduce herself and walk home!
How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
Just say to her: "A penny for your thoughts."
Why'd the blonde faint?
She forgot to breathe.
Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that she had a twin sister?
She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.
Why don't blondes like audio-books?
There aren't any pictures.
Why don't blondes like to be wined and dined?
They don't like to listen to other people's problems.
What do members of a good basketball team playing a bad basketball team have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
Everybody scores!
Why didn't the blonde go in the building?
She heard it was four stories and she didn't like to read.
What's a blonde's mating call?
'I'm so drunk.'
How many blondes does it take to make a smart blonde?
It can't be done!
How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
Blow in her ear, if she's a real blonde she starts to float!
How do you keep a blonde entertained indefinitely?
Give her a 'Where's Waldo' book...
What's the first thing a blonde does when you pick her up for a date?
She heads for the backseat of your car!
Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!
A gorgeous young blonde woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick her up in bars because she's beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was easy. One she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all the fifty states. Week after week she practices until she knows them all. Finally, she is once again ready to go back to the bar. She sits down and after a few seconds a guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her.
The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I'm not just beautiful! I'm smart too!!"
"Yeah, yeah. I believe you," says the young stud. "Now let's go."
Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states." The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her. She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I'll give you its capitol and show you how smart I am."
Just to get rid of her, the guy says, "Fine. What's the capital of New Mexico?"
The breathtaking blonde looks at him proudly and says, "New Mexico has two capitals, 'N' and 'M'."
Why didn't the blonde go to the movies on buck night?
Because she couldn't fit the deer into her car!
Q: Did you know that ice is no longer available in the drinks at the Blondes Only Club in Beverly Hills?
A: The blonde who knew the recipe moved away.
A blonde happens across a professor who is staring intently into an aquarium.
The blonde, says, "Professor, what are you doing?"
The professor answers, "I'm attempting mental telepathy with this fish. You see, if my mind is stronger than theirs, I can control their thoughts. Umm, why don't you try it!"
The blonde, certain of her ability to successfully control the fish, stares into the tank for a few seconds. Then, all of the sudden, her eyes start bugging and her mouth makes a little 'o' shape like she's pushing water through her gills.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde Buddhist Monk?
A: She kept telling her students to contemplate the sound of two hands clapping.
Submitted by: John Holmes (bugman@peganet.com)
Two blondes are walking along when they see this set of tracks. The first one says "Those are tiger tracks."
"No" says the second one "those are elephant tracks."
WHAM...the next minute they both got hit by a train.
A blonde is in the middle of an empty field, sitting in a row boat, pretending to row.
Suddenly, a car pulls up and another blonde gets out. "It's blondes like you that give us a bad name!" she yelled. "If I could swim I'd come out there and deck you!"
Submitted by: Hey..your not Mickey Mouse are you?
Two blonds are walking down the street, the first one says, "Look, a dead bird!"
The second one looks up and says, "Where... where?
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.
How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
How can you tell blondes are so biased?
They keep going, "Buy us this....Buy us that."
What's the difference between the following two sounds: A punctured balloon and a blonde with a hole in her head?
None.
Why don't blondes like the S.A.T.?
It's too difficult to spell.
What's the first things blondes do in the morning?
They go home!
What's a blonde's favorite saying?
'I don't know'
What do a blonde reading a book and people in a silent movie have in common?
Their lips are moving but no sound is coming out!
Did you hear about the blonde who went hot air ballooning?
She stepped to close to the campfire!
Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.
Did you hear about the blonde who was blind for ten years?
It was really sad. One morning she just forgot to open her eyes.
What do a blonde and a burnt out light bulb have in common?
One's just as bright as the other!
Why'd the blonde bury her driver's license?
Because it had expired!
Do you hear about the blonde who woke up next to a guy in a baseball cap?
She looked around bewildered and asked, "Where's the rest of the team?"
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
What does a blonde wear around her neck to attract men?
Her ankles.
Why do blondes like tilt steering wheels?
More head-room.
How can you tell if a blonde has just been using a computer?
There's white-out on the screen!
What's the first thing a blonde/sorority girl does in the morning?
Introduce herself and walk home!
How do you get a blonde to be quiet?
Just say to her: "A penny for your thoughts."
Why'd the blonde faint?
She forgot to breathe.
Did you hear about the blonde who thought she discovered that she had a twin sister?
She didn't realize she was looking in a mirror.
Why don't blondes like audio-books?
There aren't any pictures.
Why don't blondes like to be wined and dined?
They don't like to listen to other people's problems.
What do members of a good basketball team playing a bad basketball team have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
Everybody scores!
Why didn't the blonde go in the building?
She heard it was four stories and she didn't like to read.
What's a blonde's mating call?
'I'm so drunk.'
How many blondes does it take to make a smart blonde?
It can't be done!
How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
Blow in her ear, if she's a real blonde she starts to float!
How do you keep a blonde entertained indefinitely?
Give her a 'Where's Waldo' book...
What's the first thing a blonde does when you pick her up for a date?
She heads for the backseat of your car!
Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!
A gorgeous young blonde woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick her up in bars because she's beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was easy. One she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all the fifty states. Week after week she practices until she knows them all. Finally, she is once again ready to go back to the bar. She sits down and after a few seconds a guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her.
The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I'm not just beautiful! I'm smart too!!"
"Yeah, yeah. I believe you," says the young stud. "Now let's go."
Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states." The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her. She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I'll give you its capitol and show you how smart I am."
Just to get rid of her, the guy says, "Fine. What's the capital of New Mexico?"
The breathtaking blonde looks at him proudly and says, "New Mexico has two capitals, 'N' and 'M'."
Why didn't the blonde go to the movies on buck night?
Because she couldn't fit the deer into her car!
Spirit-Reaper
BattleForums Senior Member
Joke generator... I have one of those.
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
whos got a joke generator??? i've just got a site i getem from.
Spirit-Reaper
BattleForums Senior Member
Site, generator, Same thing.
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
ahh i see well of course i get them offa sies, i could't come up with them myself.
dP
Member!
wow alot of jokes. heres a story one..
Once there were 3 guys and they were packed with parachutes and on top of a cliff.
The first guy jumped and he said 'MONEY!!!1' and he put on his parachute and landed in a pile of money
The second guy jumped and he said 'WOMAN!!!' and he turned on the parachutte and landed in a party with hot girls.
The third guy jumped, but before he said anything his parachute bag broke and he said 'SHIT!!!'
Once there were 3 guys and they were packed with parachutes and on top of a cliff.
The first guy jumped and he said 'MONEY!!!1' and he put on his parachute and landed in a pile of money
The second guy jumped and he said 'WOMAN!!!' and he turned on the parachutte and landed in a party with hot girls.
The third guy jumped, but before he said anything his parachute bag broke and he said 'SHIT!!!'
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
lol good one peasent...oh my god i've heard that before but its still so ***en funny.
bungalo
Member!
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2003
- Messages
- 130
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- In His Kiddy Porn Dungeon
- Website
- Visit site
ok ok i know your mama jokes r lame n all but
your mamas so retarted she starved to death while locked in a grocery market
your moms so tarted she broght a knife to a shoot-out
your momas so ugly itd be polite to whipe ur ass with her
your mamas so retarted she starved to death while locked in a grocery market
your moms so tarted she broght a knife to a shoot-out
your momas so ugly itd be polite to whipe ur ass with her
l33t bunny master
Premium Member
WoW ur right those were incredibly lame...
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Diablo 2 ladder: D2R ladder reset may be in April 2022
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