Of Bullet Holes through Broken Hearts

[Gemini_Bloodian]

This is about Vincent and Aeries. I don't want to spoil the story,so thats all I'll tell you. Take not this is still under-construction,so it is not finished. I will come back and post more as I add more.

Characters are (c) of Enix Square CO.
Ideas,Dialogue,etc. are (c) of Gemini Corporation and any illegel usage(being used w/o my consent) will be a considered a crime.

Of Bullet Holes through Broken Hearts
by Gemini_Bloodian

Vincent walked slowly amongst the dark streets of Midgar, with a forlorn expression.. The night was cold and lifeless, not too different from his true nature. As he walked, lost in though, he noticed he was being followed. Resisting from turning around to see his pursuer, he caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye. There were only two guys, each with enormous, bulky muscles. Vincent then realized there were others following him. As he began to walk slower, they seized the opportunity, and surrounded up. They began to laugh silently, as they pulled out their weapons. Vincent looked around, as though surprised. He gave a short sigh “You had best walk away while you’re still alive.†All of them laughed as if they were coyotes.
One of the gang members, presumable the leader, stepped forward “Well, look who thinks he Sephiroth.†Vincent’s expression changed as though he were insulted. The boss clapped his hands. As he did, the two muscle brutes behind Vincent came closer, and each put one hand on each shoulder. Vincent threw both of his fists backwards at them, landing one fist directly at their face. Vincent quickly followed this up by throwing his elbow’s into their guts, then took them out with a spinning-back kick, aimed directly at their hand. The men fell to the ground, unconscious, in a matter of seconds.
“Humph, who’s next?†Vincent said as he raised his metallic-claw at them.
The boss, now with a serious, and angered voice, gestured to the other goons “KILL HIM!â€
They continued to laugh as they slowly circled him. He first came into eye contact with a guy whipping around a chain rapidly. He figured this guy would strike him when he least expected it, so he would have to make sure to take him out quickly. The same could be said for a different guy who was swinging around his nun-chucks around in the same fashion. After seconds of analyzing the situation carefully, two of the goons charged at him with swords in a sloppish style. He focused on the man who was nearest. He made it obvious enough that he was planning to swing his sword vertically.

 

[Arkillo]

Unless you own a company named Gemini Corporation, I suggest you not say it's copyrighted, because they could press legal charges and such.

Also, I'm not even going to bother reading that, because it looks like 1 big paragraph, and there's speech in it. Please go read a book then make it like those.

 

[Renzokuken]

Anything that someone creates, be it software or literature, it becomes copyrighted as soon as they show someone. It mightn have alot of legal mumbo jumbo surrounding it, but copyright is automatic to intellectual property. Which is what this is.

 

[Sakuhta]

Originally posted by Renzokuken
Anything that someone creates, be it software or literature, it becomes copyrighted as soon as they show someone. It mightn have alot of legal mumbo jumbo surrounding it, but copyright is automatic to intellectual property. Which is what this is.

No Renzokaka, it doesn't. Something being copyrighted is a very formal and legal process, you have to have it patented by a federal government(i.e. US Government, Government of the United Kingdom)

So technically, I could take everything from that post and put it into a book. =/ Not that I'd want to lmfao...

 

[ORC-r0x0r-ROC]

You rate the story, not argue about a stupid copywrite ©2004. ******s..... I will now rate in my usual way.

The boss, now with a serious, No comma here and angered voice.

sloppish style sloppish? Do you mean sloppy

Very few errors or things that could be interpretated as a error, seems fine but let's see after I fully review it.

Spelling + Grammar: 9.7/10 Excellent, everything is in complete order. All the punctuation has been used correctly and in the right places. Not exactly the most interesting bit of the review but still an important part = /. Good wording for the most part, maybe I should + "wording to this bit"....

Originality: 5/10 This is not a really fair as I'm basing it on so little, if you update the story the mark will be changed. I saw a made up city, a person being followed then a fight scene breaks out, not very original so far . All stories have something completely un-original so I can't blame you for this bit.

Content: 6/10 I haven't seen too much so far, like before I can always change the mark. What time is it? I'm guessing medevil or something like that, the whole sword thing.

Vincent walked slowly amongst the dark streets of Midgar, with a forlorn expression.. The night was cold and lifeless, not too different from his true nature.

This is a very good example, description isn't sparse here , no shortage of cheesyness late on though = /. But I liked this particular part but try to make a map, descripe some landamarks he passed, a building, a fountain or anything like that. Were there any animals or people to be seen? You were far too eager to cut to the fight-scene.

metallic-claw

Put some more detail, a metallic claw isn't what you call "usual" build a image of it, more description needed.

“KILL HIM!â€

A bit cheesy huh? Common, there must be a couple of million ways of saying "KILL HIM!" .

There were only two guys, each with enormous, bulky muscles. Vincent then realized there were others following him.

What were the others like? What clothes?

Vincent threw both of his fists backwards at them, landing one fist directly at their face. Vincent quickly followed this up by throwing his elbow’s into their guts, then took them out with a spinning-back kick, aimed

How can one first hit their face? Despite that, I still like this bit, the flow was good and it gave a more vivid description of his counter than "He hit them and they were thrashed omg". Overall I'd give this a 7, not a very long review = /, not a very long story either. You make it seem like this guy is invincible:

He made it obvious enough that he was planning to swing his sword vertically.

“Humph, who’s next?†Vincent said as he raised his metallic-claw at them.

Any "weakness's" (I'm taking it that you are planning to reveal it later, if not start planning too) yet? Hmmm which arm is the claw on? He can't use the sword in same hand as the claw, or can he? You just need some more detail and it'll be fine.

I'm shite at this = /

 

[Gemini_Bloodian]

Originally posted by Jake Jeckel
Unless you own a company named Gemini Corporation, I suggest you not say it's copyrighted, because they could press legal charges and such.

Also, I'm not even going to bother reading that, because it looks like 1 big paragraph, and there's speech in it. Please go read a book then make it like those.

Sorry about that. When I posted this topic, I was obsessed with that Gemini Co. thing.

Here... I rewrote the story

Of Bullet Holes through Broken Hearts
by Sean Fisher(a.k.a. Gemini_Bloodian)

The wind was howling, as the snow wept from the sky upon the city of Midgar. Vincent walked amongst the streets of Midgar, bearing a forlorn expression which seemed to comfort itself upon him. Vincent walked past an alley-way until he heard a faint voice calling out “Vin...cent...â€

Vincent turned to see whom it was. His entire body froze, and it wasn’t the embracement of the cold which had stopped him.

“Aeris!†Vincent called out as he ran to Aeris.

A scent had overwhelmed Aeris’s ,blood. He came closer to see what it emanated from, and gazed in horror as he discovered what it came from.

Aeris was covered in gunshot wounds.

Vincent ran immediately to Aeris’s side to secure her. They locked eyes, as Vincent held her fragilely in his arms.

“Vin...Cent.â€

“Please, Aeris, don’t speak. You must save you strength. We’ll get hel...â€

Vincent was cut off by Aeris.

“No, Vincent.â€

“But Aeris, if we don’t get these wounds treated for, you’ll.â€

Aeris covered his mouth with her trigger and middle finger.

“I know Vincent, I know. But... as I’ve always said, everything happens for a reas..†Aeris attempted to say as he took another sharp glimpse of pain. Vincent held her in a tighter embrace.

“Please Aeris, let me get help. I couldn’t live without you. I was once a beast, whom remorsed for the past. A beast who could never love. A beast who’s only friends were guilt and agony. But you showed compassion for me. You took pity on a dark soul. You nursed my rotting flesh. You taught me to never regret the past. It’s because of you I was able to love.â€

“Vincent, you didn’t need me for all those things. They were already there, you just kept them in the dark, for fear you might be hurt again.â€

“Yes, but they would have never come out, if you hadn’t touched it with your hand of healing.â€

Aeris began to smile.

“Aeris, your heart-warming smile, your soft touch, everything about you is another reason for me to keep what little humanity I bear. If not for you, I fear I would be the heartless killer I once had been.â€

“You wouldn’t allow that,Vincent. Your inner light which illuminates the darkness ever-so-faintly could never allow such a thing.â€

“My... Inner light? How could there ever be such a thing within me. The demon I bear is my soul. I am mearly the vessel in which it resides in. It pleasures in the very thought that each sin I bear, each life I’ve stolen, is enough to haunt me for the rest of eternity. How can such a monster, even deserve the title, human.â€

“You are wrong Vincent, your demons make you human.â€

“But, I don’t...â€

“We all have inner demons which weigh heavily on our heart. We try to conceal them, but they are always there, haunting us, waiting for the moment to hurt us most. Don’t you see? It’s only human to fail at containing our demons. But, of all the demons you bear, none is stronger than guilt.â€

Vincent just sat there, trying to find himself in Aeris’s words.

“You remorse for the past. You feel that because of what you’ve done, you must suffer for all eternity. But Vincent, that is not true. Darkness may of enraptured you, but you must remember that that darkness is part of you. It will seek to gain control of your mind and soul, It will take that away, which you hold so dear, so that all you are left with, are guilt and pain. Yet, if you have the courage to contain it, to stand up to it, it can never overcome your inner light.â€

Vincent was now in tears at Aeris’s words.

Aeris used what little strength she had left, pulled herself up, and kissed Vincent.

Vincent, who was somewhat surprised, could only hope that this moment was to last forever.

Aeris collapsed into Vincent’s arms once again.

“Vincent, please, walk away.â€

Vincent, found it hard to let go of her, but he had somehow found the courage, to stand up, and begin to walk ever-so-slowly. He had nearly reached the end of the alley when he heard her speak:

“Vincent, remember, never regret the past.â€

Vincent could no longer bear this pain, as he began to run.

He stopped, when he suddenly heard a whisper in the wind:

“I love you, Vincent.â€

Vincent, now in tears, quickly ran back to Aeris, hoping that he could tell her what he could never.

He ran through the darkness. His mind said that it was too late, but his heart wouldn’t allow him to believe it.

He reached the alley, where she lay, and stared blankly. He raced and fell to her side. He continued to rush his hands around her angel face, hoping there might be warmth there. But, they were colder that his steel claw.

He called out in pain as he held Aeris in his arms.

“I cannot bear this pain any longer. I ony pray, the fates see it fit, to grant me blissful peace with you, if only for a moment.â€

All sound seemed to end, except for one, loud, unmistakable sound.

The sound of a shotgun shell.

The End.