My girlfriend told me she had a dream last night that she got engaged and I bought her a massive diamond ring.
"What do you think it means?" she asked.
"You'll find out tonight," I told her.
She was not impressed when she got home and saw that I had bought her a book called "How to interpret your dreams."
Mexican Maid
Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
Two Guys Are Chatting...
Guy A:
“I’m Going To Bring My Wife To Australia For Our 20th
Anniversary.â€
Guy B:
“Oh.. That’s Cool. What About Ur 25th
Anniversary?â€
Guy A:
“I Will Go Back To Australia To Bring Her Back.â€
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"
"No, I couldn't find her head."
I love you because you are kind, loving and smart.
Because you are beautiful and funny.
Because we can talk about anything together.
Because I can see us growing old together.
But mostly, because you have a vagina.
Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.
Titles of books for kids:
"You Were an Accident"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"
"Dad's New Wife Robert"
"Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share"
"Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"All Cats Go to Hell"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Your Nightmares Are Real"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer - Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years
to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over
time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become
neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that
radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.
This is the simple mental problem
IF 1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?
Please think twice before scrolling
Answer = 1
REMEMBER THE FIRST LINE?
1 = 5
MORAL OF THE PROBLEM: DON'T COMPLICATE SIMPLE PROBLEMS IN LIFE...
Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.
Sincerely yours,
God
"What do you think it means?" she asked.
"You'll find out tonight," I told her.
She was not impressed when she got home and saw that I had bought her a book called "How to interpret your dreams."
Mexican Maid
Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
Two Guys Are Chatting...
Guy A:
“I’m Going To Bring My Wife To Australia For Our 20th
Anniversary.â€
Guy B:
“Oh.. That’s Cool. What About Ur 25th
Anniversary?â€
Guy A:
“I Will Go Back To Australia To Bring Her Back.â€
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"
"No, I couldn't find her head."
I love you because you are kind, loving and smart.
Because you are beautiful and funny.
Because we can talk about anything together.
Because I can see us growing old together.
But mostly, because you have a vagina.
Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.
Titles of books for kids:
"You Were an Accident"
"You Are Different and That's Bad"
"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"
"Dad's New Wife Robert"
"Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share"
"Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book"
"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"
"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"
"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"
"All Cats Go to Hell"
"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"
"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"
"Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way"
"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"
"Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"
"Your Nightmares Are Real"
"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"
"Strangers Have the Best Candy"
"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer - Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"
"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"
"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"
"Bi-Curious George"
"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"
"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it
can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years
to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange
places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over
time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become
neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that
radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.
This is the simple mental problem
IF 1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?
Please think twice before scrolling
Answer = 1
REMEMBER THE FIRST LINE?
1 = 5
MORAL OF THE PROBLEM: DON'T COMPLICATE SIMPLE PROBLEMS IN LIFE...
Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice.
Sincerely yours,
God
