I am trying to breed my monkey with my dog need advice...

[theyuw]

Ok well I got this monkey last summer and I want to breed it with my dog to make a cool mutant monkeydog. So far I have only been able to get them to hug. Any suggestions on getting them to go further?

 

[Pains Requiem]

viagra

 

[Flame[SrF]Skull]

Well just make sure they're not the same gender...

 

[Spirit-Reaper]

[color=66ff66]If you weren't a retard you'd know animals won't breed if they are the same animal..... Dumbass.[/color]

Spirit-Reaper​

 

[Strongest_Claw]

I learned about this in genetics last year. Two different SPECIES can mate, but their child will be infertile. Two different CLASSES cannot mate. So, it is impossible.

 

[~Canuck~]

Originally posted by Spirit-Reaper
[color=66ff66]If you weren't a retard you'd know animals won't breed if they are the same animal..... Dumbass.[/color]

Spirit-Reaper​

And your a retard for failing to get your point across. how ****ing hard is it to get something that simple right the first time?
**** you dumbshit kids.

 

[theyuw]

lol thanks fer covering for me ~Canuck~ my friend

 

[Strongest_Claw]

Hey, don't feel proud theyuw. This is basically a pointless thread as I said that DOGS AND MONKEYS cant mate.

 

[OMGLOLWTFPWN]

why not try some pheramones, or take away all monkeys and mirrors from the monkey then eventually it might think its a dog, and the dog might think its a monkey and they might have a baby.

 

[Spirit-Reaper]

[color=66ff66]~Canuck~ is some ****ing nerd who cant read and lives in his parents basement. If you read correctly I quote myself saying

They won't breed

. Hmmm now I wonder who is the retard? Still you and mr.pervert who wants to breed a monkey and a dog.[/color]

Spirit-Reaper​

 

[Deranged Hydralisk]

Ugg...ick...now I've got some bad images in my head...

 

[OMGLOLWTFPWN]

cool sig hydralisk

 

[AHappyChineseBoy]

ya that is pretty sick, but maybe you can get them drunk like the monkey in Dr. Dolittle!

 

[OniSyphon]

Originally posted by Strongest_Claw
Hey, don't feel proud theyuw. This is basically a pointless thread as I said that DOGS AND MONKEYS cant mate.

 

[itchmahballz]

um i dont think that monkeys and dogs can **** so give up...

 

[Pains Requiem]

spirit-reaper, not trying to be mean and not trying to be insulting, but you are so ****in ludacris-u take everything too seriously. try to have FUN in the forums-not flame/insult the hell outta people who made the thread and say their "stupid idea" wont work. i know u said they wont mate but dude, try to be a bit more humorous-i think thats was the point when the guy made this thread. you are too damn uptight-even at a few of my threads u complained.

 

[dP]

okay this is what you do. grab his dick and put it in. glue it together and shake the dog right to left. put them in a bag and shake them. there you have it, your own numba boy right out of your dog

 

[Speaker]

I hope your' monkey learns to kill...

 

[Gedrin]

Well despite what the others have said there are a few methods that may work for you. Ignore what science and reason has to say on the subject neither one will get you your prized monkeydog.

A few simple steps.

1. Alcohol. Humans like alcohol, monkeys are like little hairy people. Dogs are mans best friend, I like drinking with my best friend. Besides drunk ppl **** why should animals be any different.

2. Barry Manalo. I know there are a lot of skeptics, but whatever helps your monkey or dog get their groove on.

3. Banana Flavored lube. This requires no further explanation.

4. Porn. Make porn available to each animal. This way you can get them used to the idea. I am not responsible if your monkey and/or dog rapes you.

5. Viagra. Already mentioned, but bears repeating.

6. Sexy lingerie. You have to get the male in the mood, what better way is there besides the previously mentioned alcohol.

7. Falsified love letters. Help get the ball rolling by a little romantic poetry, it got your mom knocked up now didn't it.

8. Chocolate. It gets girls horny. It might be toxic to your dog, but sweet monkey love making isn't exactly the best thing for it anyway. (see disclaimer on #4)

9. simulated near death experiences. Supposedly makes people horny as all hell, so why not animals. (see disclaimer on #4)

10. Talk them up a little. Make the monkey or dog (I'm not sure which is the male) aware that the other puts out. Make the animal of the opposite sex aware that the other animal is attentive to her needs and tender and compassionate and all that bullshit.

11. In vitro fertilization. Maybe their are ****ing like rabbits every time you turn your back and they are just having a little trouble.

12. Poke holes in their condoms. If you get the wrong ones and your brothers girlfrined suddenly gets pregnant it is a small price to pay for your coveted mondog or dokey or whatever you want to call it. Besides how were you supposed to know he has a tiny little monkey sized dick?

13. Replace birth control pills with tic tacs. Animals are stupid. People who eat too many tic tacs shouldn't breed anyway. Replace the tic tacs with birth control pills.

14. Sex toys. A little foreplay never hurt anyone.....A little foreplay never killed.....Usually foreplay doesn't end in an unfortunate demise. Usually it results in two very horny people, people are animals too. Besides think about it. Dogs chew "bones" dogs hump peoples legs. Cats don't play with bones, cats don't hump peoples legs. Coincidence? I think not.

15. Get a less than wholesome farmer to tell or show them how its done. A last resort. They may want your sweet virgin ass as payment so keep your pepper spray handy.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any and all hideous freaks of nature that rapidly reproduce covering the world in darkness from whence it shall never recover. Besides my evil army of bullfrog apes is far superior in every way. I am also not responsible for any and all injuries procured by any and all parties while engaging in anything related to animal husbandry. If you are still reading this crap then you have too much patients and too little brain. I am also not responsible for your brothers tiny dick, he can thank god, or your parents for that. I am not responsible if you get raped by your pets. I am not responsible if you get raped by any farmers. If you were offended by this content then **** you because I wanted to offend you. Besides you could have stopped at any time. See you're still reading this even now. What you want an apology? I'm sorry....you're an idiot. I am not responsible for your new baby brother. It's not my fault your mom can't tell the difference between tic tacs and birth control pills. It is not my fault that your dog humps your leg. It's your fault for turning it on with such sexy clothes and leading it on. Now how do you like that line beotch, I told you it made no sense but now you're the one on the receiving end of the dick. It is not my fault that I am an advocate of womens rights. It is my priveledge. It is not my fault that you can't tell the differenece between a woman and a womans rights advocate. You can blame your swollen red ass on your poor eyesight, and incredible stupidity. It is not my fault that you wasted your time reading this disclaimer. I didn't holda gun to your head. Even if I did would you rather I had shot you? It is not my fault I accidentally shot you, then gun just went off.

 

[theyuw]

I tried the viagra and it only works on the couch. I would get him drunk cept the last time I did that he got really made and tried to hurt me. My monkey doesn't like banna's but he does like baking scones in a toaster oven. I have tried talking to my monkey about it but he's just a retard and doesn't understand that I need this to get famous. By the way the monkey is male. I have also been trying to make them watch pron together to get them in the mood but it don't work