Homework Help?

Sakuhta

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Ok.. I have to write a 'speech' about something I feel is.. shitty? And I have the basic outline.. but I have to include a few certain things.

  • Metaphor
  • Repitition[ex: in Dr. King's speech, 'I have a dream' continually repeated]
  • Powerful image that appeals to a particular sense or senses

This is what I have, and it is probably my shittiest literary writing yet >.<, but if you guys could just help me with the things I have to include, that would be GREAT.

Isn’t it hard to imagine that certain people with a higher base income then others will actually make less than someone with a lower income after taxes? It’s like people get punished for being successful.

In the United States, if someone’s yearly income is one hundred and fifty thousand dollars or over, they have to pay a tax of forty nine percent, which means in reality they would make less then ninety thousand dollars each year. That means if person A worked regular hours and made one hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year, and person B worked a lot of overtime and made one hundred fifty thousand, person A would actually make just as much if not more then person B. There is even a thirty percent tax once you make ninety six thousand dollars a year that is almost too much, leaving a person in the sixty thousands. One would think that a person who makes $150 thousand with overtime would gross more than a person who makes $120 without overtime.

Some states even have their own state tax! To clarify, you would have two taxes taking off a percentage of your paycheck. No wonder those teachers went on a strike! There is not a large amount of people who could have two percentage taxes on their paycheck and still afford to keep their house.

As much as the government might need that money from taxes, they make it very hard to cover the cost of living. It’s kind of foolish to punish the population for being successful. Though the tax system is not a complete folly, they could use some revising to lower the percentage on a person who makes more. In the Declaration of Independence, it is stated that a government rules by consent of the governed, and I would bet that the governed would not consent to having almost half of their paycheck taken away by our tyrant like government, for the government to spend on whatever it pleases, whether you agree with it or not.
Obviously it's about taxes.. any help would be greatly appreciated.
 

Master.America

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Just glancing at that, I can tell you that you need to extend your paragraphs a LOT. They should be seven to ten sentences--five at the least. I'm a little bad with this myself. My friends tell me I should try adding in more fluff and filler stuff, meaning repeat things you've already said by rewording them and making them seem different.

...make less then someone with...
Less than, not less then.

In the United States() if someone’s...
Put a comma after States.

...they have to pay a tax of...
They refers to more than one person, even though you said "someone" earlier. Change "they have" to "he has" or "he or she has".

Inference, hmm... "One would think that a person who makes $150 thousand with overtime would gross more than a person who makes $120 without overtime." Wouldn't that be inference?
 

Sakuhta

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Originally posted by Master_America
Just glancing at that, I can tell you that you need to extend your paragraphs a LOT. They should be seven to ten sentences--five at the least. I'm a little bad with this myself. My friends tell me I should try adding in more fluff and filler stuff, meaning repeat things you've already said by rewording them and making them seem different.


Less than, not less then.


Put a comma after States.


They refers to more than one person, even though you said "someone" earlier. Change "they have" to "he has" or "he or she has".

Inference, hmm... "One would think that a person who makes $150 thousand with overtime would gross more than a person who makes $120 without overtime." Wouldn't that be inference?
er damn im pretty sure, thanks dude

gdamnit i love you
 

Master.America

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:D

I'd try a little harder, but I just finished a history article (I'm a journalist in 1958 writing an article for a magazine about Elvis Presley) and I'm kinda tired of the whole thing right now.
 

Sakuhta

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Do you think a good Allusion would be-

'In the Declaration of Independence, it is stated that a government rules by consent of the governed, and I would bet that the governed would not consent to having almost half of their paycheck taken away.'

BTW: It doesn't have to be legendary >.<
 

Master.America

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doh... brain not working...

I'm not sure whether or not that would be considered allusion, but that's a nice line. try to quote that "government rules by consent of the governed" if you have the exact words. Quotes are always a plus in essays and speeches and such.

An allusion is like... after a terrible English presentation (I stiffen up in front of my English class... not sure why), Mr. Dungey addresses the class and says, "When you're up here making your presentation, you don't just stand here with your hands behind your back, up against the wall, only moving to turn the lights on or off! You gotta take part in the presentation and be part of your group!" Although he's addressing the whole class, he's alluding to the fact that during our whole presentation, I did little more than turn off the lights for a Powerpoint show.

As for the "powerful image", try to relate the speech to whoever it's directed toward. If you're actually going to say it in front of the class and your class is grading you, then you'll probably want to direct the speech at them (as much as possible). And repitition should be simple enough... just call the governmant a tyranny a few more times or something like that.
 

Sakuhta

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Originally posted by Master_America
doh... brain not working...

I'm not sure whether or not that would be considered allusion, but that's a nice line. try to quote that "government rules by consent of the governed" if you have the exact words. Quotes are always a plus in essays and speeches and such.

An allusion is like... after a terrible English presentation (I stiffen up in front of my English class... not sure why), Mr. Dungey addresses the class and says, "When you're up here making your presentation, you don't just stand here with your hands behind your back, up against the wall, only moving to turn the lights on or off! You gotta take part in the presentation and be part of your group!" Although he's addressing the whole class, he's alluding to the fact that during our whole presentation, I did little more than turn off the lights for a Powerpoint show.
In our secluded part of hickville texas, an allusion for us is a reference to a literary piece, bible in particular. >.<
 

Sakuhta

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I just killed a bunch though, just need a metaphor, repitition, and 'powerful image'
 

Sakuhta

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srry in a hurry sorry...omg thanks dude h/o lemme add some stuff
 

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